The text-to-speech engine is an experimental browser feature. It might not always work as intended. On Android, you need the following app permissions for this to work:
[Microphone] and [Music and audio]
Log in with a social media account to set up a profile. You can change your nickname later.
You can toggle selected features and styles per device/browser to boost performance. Some options may not be available.
Unlock with Patreon[b]Bold[/b] of you to assume I have a plan.[i]death[/i].[s][/s] by this.[li]bullets[/li].[img]https://www.agine.this[/img][quote]… me like my landlord![/quote]
[spoiler]Spanish Inquisition![/spoiler][ins]Insert[/ins] more bad puns![del][/del] your browser history!
The part between Padme and Palpatine is definitely my favorite. It’s very well written and so far every scene with Padme has been the star of the story. Her dialogue both external and internal are amazing. The ending part with her and Anakin is great as well, the first half with Anakin and Palpatine is kind of weak in my opinion, the writing and dialogue isn’t the same quality as what I see with Padme and even with Palpatine in scenes without Anakin. I think the area that needs the most focus that will improve the story the most is how you write Anakin. His dialogue and most of the scenes with him just feel off, it was better between him and Padme so I can say that I’ve only noticed the issues being big when it’s Anakin and Palpatine. As a reader that’s the area that needs the most focus and redesign, whatever you’re doing with Padme maybe see if you can use when you write Anakin? Loving Militarist Padme and I think something that a lot of people would be interested in and I’d love to see is a good focus on her journey and path, a lot of detail on her consolidating power on Naboo and growing it’s economy and power into a proto-Imperial model would be amazing and I especially would love to see her become Hereditary Queen for life, know she just said she’d try to do that but actually reading/seeing her do it and the politics on Naboo sounds great. Naboo honestly seems like a place that should be referenced or returned to frequently in this story as with Padme becoming the front of the pro Palpatine-Militadist/Proto-Imperial faction means Naboo will basically be the origin and test bed for the idea of a model imperial world and all the social changes and economic programs that’s entails to achieve Imperial militaristic and Order ideals. Basically when they try and push legislation in the senate down the line they can literally just point at Naboo and say “we’re already doing it here and it’s working great”
Hey there! Thanks for commenting! And yeah I won’t disagree lol. Writing Padme’s scenes were extremely fun and easy this chapter. I struggled a lot with the first half of Anakin’s POV but once I got to Mygeeto I think it was a lot easier and it flowed a lot better. Wdyt? Do you feel Mygeeto is better than the initial training sequence on Coruscant? How about last chapter when Palpatine seduced Anakin to join the Sith or even when they first met in Chapter 1? Might just be that this chapter I really couldn’t get the zen stride for that first sequence on Coruscant.
What’s your proposals to improve Anakin and Palpatine’s dialogue?
Also I think another issue is maybe like it’s a bit of a rough transition period? Padme is older so it’s easier for me to really find her voice while Anakin is young and I need to convey so much but it doesn’t work as well cause he’s ten lol?
And yeah I’m really loving Militarist Padme myself. One of the things that really drew me to this story and this idea. Bingo yeah. Naboo would basically become a test run for Palpatine’s Empire lel.
Yeah I think it’s probably just difficulties with Anakin being so young. It’s really only conversations with Anakin that seem to stick out to me as feeling off. Your getting better at it and the fact like you said it’s easier with Padme because she’s older adds more credence to me thinking it’s just because of Anakins age. I know from your other stories you have no problem with great dialogue but I don’t recall a ton of stuff with child pov’s from them so it’s probably just because it’s something new to you and I see tons of stories struggle with childhood stuff as it’s just hard as your trying to make a story for people to consume and read in a way they understand and want to stick with. You see a lot of struggle with this in Harry Potter fanfic, it’s a similar dynamic young child depending on where the story starts Harry’s age with a lot of power acting and experiencing things beyond their age and most of really don’t know how to get the childhood dynamic fitting in well with such an adult surrounding. When Anakin gets older maybe try to channel what you did whenever you wrote Aegon in D&C. Or maybe just try and drop the childhood act all together as you seem to be trying to replicate to a large the degree the very shall we say emotional and “squeaky” Anakin we see in TPM who’s comically childlike when maybe just make him become, sound and act more like an adult as internally with all he’s experienced and Palpatines training both Sith and standard educational him dropping any bratty personality would seem to logically play well into how his character is developing and move you away from a writing style you struggle with.
I think that after this Chapter the problems of Anakin’s mismatched personality will go away. It’s already starting to show that his innocence is being lost and his Sith training is breaking and molding him. I think he’ll be a lot easier to write going forward lol.